After being booted out of the class from which I most drew my identity at the time, things sort of spiraled out of control for me. Instead of using this situation as a kick in the pants to straighten out my life, I used it as another excuse and got even lower in my stupidity. A friend of mine had spent the year as the only male cheerleader in the district. He told me many stories of being one of only three guys at the annual cheer camp with over 500 hot girls, so I decided I would be the next year's only guy cheerleader. Rather than actually give it a good try, I decided to work the system and just hang out with the girls. My total lack of commitment or care really showed and my lack of respect for how hard and how important this was to all of these girls was pretty evident. My purpose was to be near, and date, as many cheerleaders as possible. I would like to tell you I had some other motive, but seriously, would anyone believe me? Anyway, I did not make the team.
One of the cheerleaders I had dated a little bit was named Christine, she also did not make the team and was devastated. We had planned to go to the Junior Prom together, but she ended up getting a real boyfriend who was actually there for her a week and a half before the prom. Since I could think of nothing less fun than going to prom with another guy's girlfriend, I took a side step and let Christine go with who she really wanted to go with anyway. Some people will hear that as noble or nice, but it was not. I was just thinking of what a drag it would be to go to prom with someone who wanted to be there with someone else, it was all about me. During this time and through most of the summer, I also held small parties in our apartment while Mom would be away for the weekend with some guy or other. I had identified every place within ten miles where my fake ID would work and I became such a regular at these liquor stores that they stopped carding me and new me by name. Now, the name was the fake name on my fake ID (Jeff someone or other), but that was okay with me.
I had, at the time, a stunning amount of false confidence and would entertain my friends by boldly lying or scamming to achieve just about anything I wanted. I showed a fake ID right next to a cop in one liquor store where my friends just freaked out and I gained a sort of legendary status with them. I also gained quite a reputation for making out with just about any girl in the immediate area. One night some friends and I got real drunk on blackberry brandy and went to a school dance, where I proceeded to kiss every girl there. No kidding, every girl ... even girls who were with other guys. Many of the guys didn't even care because it was sort of my reputation to do crazy things like that. I had a weird talent for heading directly into any situation where I could be harmed or damaged, but I did it with confidence and usually came out without a scratch. All of this just built this rep. One of my Christian friends from school once called me conceited and I responded that "conceited means that one is good and knows it, so thank you for recognizing how great I am." Yeah, I know, what a jerk. Hidden behind this false confidence was a rather swelling amount of self-loathing and what I now see as blatant attempts to harm myself. But, I was also playing with the power of words and this would be a defining trait of mine for a long time. I began to realize the strength in spin, and the way people believed what you told them, so long as you said it with confidence. Truth became what I told you, real became what I made up and everything became a way into people's trust and a means to an end. While I was pretty heavily engaged in drug use at the time, it too was just a means to an end. Although I used some fairly powerful narcotics, I attribute their lack of a hold on me to their purpose in my life, to get what I wanted...girls, friends, power, girls and did I mention girls? When summer came around, I quit my job and I laid by the pool all day or watched TV. At night, I partied or looked for places to pick up girls. It was the summer of 1984 and my life was like a teen movie for a bit. I did not know how rapidly things would change.
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