Why I (probably) won't vote for a Republican this year

Okay, here goes....

Mitt Romney - he seems really fake and I just can't stand him. I don't have any reason to dislike him, not really knowing anything about him, but something about his affect really irritates me. Additionally, he really has flip-flopped on a lot of issues. While I believe it is okay to change your position on matters as you mature and grow, this all seems to be a changed predicated on a run for office. I could be wrong, but nonetheless, I will not be voting for him.

John McCain - I loved his book. I admire him for his perseverance. I agree with him on many issues. I watch too much C-Span. He is mean when you see him just doing his job and I have a hard time with a jerk-in-chief. I will not be voting for him.

Mike Huckabee - This guy seems like a good speaker and a guy who does not take himself too seriously, which I love. However, he is a yokel. Or, at least, he comes across that way. I wish him the best, but I will not be voting for him.

Rudy Giuliani - Seriously, I would consider his candidacy if he ran as an independent. I actually did not like the way he handled 9/11 at all and his increasing use of the date in all speeches is comical. However, is he even a Republican? I don't mean on hot-button issues, I mean on anything. I don't get the appeal, I am not voting for him.

Fred Thompson - He dropped out, I would not have voted for him anyway.

Ron Paul - I really like insane people. I like the little rabbit who flips the bird to the pack of giant wolves who surround him. It is good TV. But seriously, I am not voting for him.

Folks, Presidents have much less to do with the day to day actions in our country than we like to acknowledge. We need them to inspire us to better things, to inspire other politicians to be better people, to show a face of America which we want the world to see. The President is not Pat Sajak, who controls the wheel, he is Vanna White who shows us the letters and looks good on camera. But, that is just my opinion, and if you don't vote the way I want you to, I will move to Canada (which is where my wife said she would move if Hillary Clinton became President). But if Hillary becomes President, in theory, wouldn't we pretty much BE Canada?

Hey, we are beginning to think like Christians!

I was just reading an article on beliefnet. It was based around a poll they did of 980 self-described evangelicals and was about the importance of governmental issues, politics, etc. The results left me surprised and really quite glad. It seems those polled which, I would assume, reflect a cross-section of the evangelical community, have decided to think less like Republicans and more like Christians. Now, I do not think that these two are mutually exclusive, I just think we have spent a long time being defined by what we are against, rather than what we are for and I am happy to see this change. In the 1960's, the Democratic party was the party of evangelicals to some degree, because the issues of social justice were paramount and the correct path to be on. Many Republicans would like to remind me that it was a Republican congress which passed the Civil Rights Act of 1964...I know, I know. Also, most friends would like to remind me that I am usually a pretty conservative guy, but I would like to say that I almost never register or describe myself as Republican, but rather as Conservative on most issues. You see, I like to vote on issues, not on party platforms. I vote for people, not party choices. In the presidential elections in which I have been able to vote, I voted Bush, Clinton, Clinton, Bush, Bush. I am not certain if that makes me a trend-setter or a lemming, but I digress.

Anyway, I wanted to post the top six on this poll and where some former hot-button issues fell in the poll. If you want to see the whole poll...google it. What am I, a library? Its on beliefnet, thats as good as I can remember, but I wrote down the issues in order so I could blog. They were, in order of importance, as follows:

1) The Economy
2) Cleaning up Government
3) Reducing Poverty
4) Improving Public Education & Access to Healthcare
5) Protecting the Environment
6) Ending Torture

That's right, none of the "winning issues" from the last two cycles were even in the top 7. Abortion ranked #8 and Sexuality issues came in at #11. This was a good moment for me, but it reminds me what my friend Shawn says to me in our Men's Bible Study, "what makes you think your ideas are so radical?" (I paraphrase, because I don't remember exactly how he has put it...sorry Shawn)

What is your core issue, or top three? Let me know, even anonymously, I am fascinated! To reply click on the place below which says how many comments there have been, the rest is not brain surgery.

my dear wife

So, I woke in a foul mood this morning. The wind and a few other noises had kept me up all night, and I don't think I got any deep sleep. I want to apologize publicly for taking it out on my wonderful wife. While I think I had a genuine issue, my response was not the loving, caring response which you deserve. I was harsh, insensitive, sarcastic and dare I say it, quite loud. You are wonderful, beautiful and the best thing in this world that I have ever experienced. I am happy to be near you every day. I love you and am sorry about this morning.

fear of dentistry

Unnatural fears are always a strange thing, after all they are not natural. My greatest fears in life are Tidal Waves, being struck by lightning and dentistry. While the first two have a very slim possibility of actually happening, the third I experienced this morning. I have a fantastic dentist and the staff is caring and kind and very understanding about my fears. But, that chair makes my butt crawl. Try as I might to restrain it, my butt kept trying to crawl out of the chair without my conscious thought. This was interesting because there was pretty much no chance of the dentistry in any way effecting my butt, so why it was so concerned about the procedure, I do not know.

I tried to reason with my butt, but it would not calm down. I tried through force of will to control its migration, but it would not listen. In the end (no pun intended), it got its wish and we departed the dentist's office for another 6 months, when I am confident it will convince some other part of my body to have a malady so we do not have to go back to the dentist.

Silly rear!

Rehab

Has anyone watched celebrity rehab with Dr. Drew Pensky on VH1? It is awesome. I am, and have been for a longtime, a fan of Dr. Drew. He is someone who sincerely seems to be more interested in helping folks than he is in fame. Watching his interaction with these stars gives me some insight into how to deal with addict friends and family. It is worth a watch, and hey, it's on tonight!

consumer confidence

By all accounts, consumer confidence is very low. My question is: was it low before they started reporting on the news that it was low. I work in an industry which is heavily reliant on the finance industry (commercial real estate), so we have already been hit hard by the repercussions from the home mortgage debacle. Everyone is crying that the sky is falling and I am ready to go live in my bunker and eat tuna and baked beans for the rest of my miserable existence.

But the truth is that my business has not changed much. I actually am seeing a lot of activity (if not a lot of money) and I am still growing my business. I think it is all a matter of perspective. So, all you naysayers, shut up!! You are upsetting my paradigm.

See, now the sun is warm, the grass is green (what little is left in winter), and the world is beautiful. And, I have confidence....but no, honey, I still won't buy you the Jeep you want. ;P

friendship

An old friend of mine, Paul, has talked about how we first became friends. It was the end of summer 1986 and, by his description, I pretty much willed it to happen. He says I simply would not take no for an answer and pestered him until he became my friend. I have heard him talk about this before, but I have never mentioned to him how it makes me feel.

I went to 33 schools before I graduated High School, and that does not cover how often we moved (I went to the HS I graduated from for 1.5 years, but lived in 4 different places in that time - 6 if you count the summer after graduation). I tell you this to explain that I understand certain elements of my actions as a young man. We moved around a lot, so I did not have time for building relationships. Paul is not incorrect in his assessment. My M.O. was to assess people for things we might have in common, or things I thought I could learn from, and situate myself in such a way as to befriend them and then my intensity of personality would take over to inundate them with Chris. This may sound like a lot, but only because it is a lot.

As Cathy and I were talking this morning, one of the things that occurred to me is that I have changed. Cathy likes to describe me as a very loyal guy, I don't know if that is true, but I have worked harder than many people know to retain relationships. This does not come easy to me, and I do not know if it comes easy to others. However, within the last year or so, all ofthat seems to have changed. I don't know if it is because I am 40 and no longer yearn for the bond I did as a youth. Or, maybe, it is because I have grown beyond a need to make friends so quickly and have adapted to longer term friendships. It definitely also has something to do with meeting some great friends in the last year or two who I have not had to work so hard to be friends with.

I know some of my old friends will read this and think...he worked hard? Yeah, I did. The difficulty in willing people to be your friends is that you overlook and never deal with the friction of relationships. After I had been friends for a while, I would finally begin to see the cracks and often realize that these folks didn't really like me that much. We were friends now, and they cared for me, but they did not like me. In years past this made me try harder to make them like me, without really changing who I am. Most people would recognize that I am not all that concerned with people liking or accepting me, but for those who call themselves my friend (even if I planted and nurtured the idea), it would be something I would expect. So, I had a number of long-term friendships which were based on nothing more than that I wanted to be friends. I don't think this works.

This year, maybe two years, I have made friends. I did not make it happen, nor did I bug them to become my friends. The weird after-effect is that I am seeing my old friends in a new light. I tend to see myself as an obligation for them, and not someone who they want to be friends with. I guess I want to say...it's okay. You don't need to call once every six to nine months. You don't need to worry about my feelings, I am alright. Call if you want to, I will do the same.

It is easy to be an acquaintance, but it is hard to be a friend. The mutual admiration club has few members. It takes work, and you have to value the other person for more than what you can get from them. I think the impact of a few friends has made the growth easier and I would like to thank them. So, thanks Dave & Dawn. Thanks Shawn. Thanks Steve. Thanks Darin. And, thanks to Cathy, who helps me become the man I want to be every day.

More

Yesterday, on my beautiful bride's site, she spoke of the yearning for something more. This really resonated in my soul. I like to refer to myself as the world's biggest malcontent. I have a great wife, great kids, a good job, a nice house, all in all a pretty nice life. And, it is not enough. I like to think of this discontent as my soul's yearning for the perfect truth of heaven. I refer to it as a malaise which haunts me and I often wonder if it haunts everyone the same. I see people go through their days and they seem content and I wonder if I am not seeing their discontent or if this peace is really who they are. I also wonder if peace is the same as contentedness.

I firmly believe that the creative mind has a hard time being truly fulfilled, so it is not all bad that contentedness is not all its cracked up to be. I also remember the first moment of content I experienced was the first year of my marriage, during which I gained 60 pounds, so contentedness did not work out for me that year. I talk to friends all the time who ask the same question my wife did yeasterday, "is THIS all there is?" They do not mean it in a cosmic or eternal sense, but in a practical sense saying "isn't there more I could do?" Well, I believe there is. We are called to live life, and live it to its fullest potential. So, what does that mean?

When we have a good meal, do we look at it, smell it, taste it truly? When we read a book, watch a good movie, drink a good wine, do we experience it? For myself I can say, not always, not often, not much. But this is the opportunity we have everyday, to enjoy creation, both God's Creation and human creation. It only takes a few seconds more to truly enjoy things. I will try to do that, will you?

Prayer

So, I am doing a early morning study which includes an emphasis on prayer (and boy, was it cold this morning, when I went to check the temperature gauge said -6). I was troubled by many of the comments and realized that we need to define our terms. So, what does it mean? What is prayer?

Many of the comments today seemed to imply that I am only praying when I am the one speaking. Besides being incredibly self-focused (like saying we are only conversing at those times in which I am the speaker), it also flies in the face of scripture. 1st Thessalonians 5:6 states, "Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks, for this is God's will for you." How can I pray without ceasing, if prayer is only when I am speaking. It would seem to be an impossible task. Additionally, the phrase God's will is used, giving a special emphasis to compliance. God's will is a common phrase for Christian speech, but not a very common phrase scripturally.

For what its worth, I believe that prayer is really a contact point. For electricity (power) to flow, there must be a conductible contact point. In this, there is a marvelous metaphor for life with God. The recipient must be conducive to that power, the power comes from elsewhere (not self-started)and there must be a contact point with the power source (prayer). So, to me prayer is a constant walking conversation with God, a recognition that He is there and an acknowledgement of who He is and what He has done. While there are very easily defined types of prayers (petition, praise, thanks, etc.), the action of prayer, to me, is just a realization of the situation we are always in. If He is there and He is not silent, as Francis Schaeffer famously said, is not listening a part of prayer?

On the other hand, some folks fall into an only listening problem. God created me, and you, and he loves us and values us. Even though He knows everything, He still wants to hear from us. Making your petition known to God does not assume that He does not already know what you need or want. There is joy and power in stating the truth as it is, to God who already knows. That can be done through petition, but also through praise and thanks for the things He is in control of.

Anyway, post any thoughts, whether in agreement or disagreement. I am really interested in getting your insight.

snow day?

There was an awful dusting of snow, maybe 1/2 of an inch. The wind made it feel like it was zero degrees. Visibility was 1 mile at its best. The roads were....clear. So, of course my kids district called a snow day. I mean, one could clearly develop some deformity from this, perhaps even chapped lips. If only our kids went to school in a building...with walls and perhaps a roof, oh wait, that's right. They DO!!!

Well, with that aside, we were actually hoping and planning for a snow day as the weathermen (top professionals that they are) rolled some dice and it came up...snow! I have felt that in the last 4.5 years that we have lived here, that these are the worst weather professionals in the world. It turns out they just take their cues (or queues?) directly from the National Weather Service. I guess I can not blame them.

The kids are going stir crazy, or just crazy I can't really tell. I went upstairs to see what the ruckus was and they were pinning the dog under a small blanket and telling me that they were playing with her. I distracted them by telling them to get dressed and when they ran upstairs the dog gave me that happy, "thank you" look and a wag of the tail. As they get older, I am really hoping they don't begin trapping me under a blanket. I will keep you posted.

Now that I have chased everyone away

I am sorry for busting the chops of the various lurkers out there. None of them replied, they simply stopped looking at my blog. Oh, well. And on to today.

For anyone who was praying for me about the improv group, the leader of the growth council had a death in the family and they again postponed meeting on my business plan. I have learned patience through many issues in my life, so I will try to apply that patience here.

So, as well as waiting for that, I am waiting on some deals that are out in the ether in my business. It seems that the early part of this week may be taken up by sitting around and waiting for the phone to ring or the email to ding. I am generally not a patient person, although as I mentioned above, some issues in my life have created more patience. I am learning to wait, learning to be cautious, learning to listen. I would like to think that at some point I will master this, but I severely doubt it. Not only because I am so far from patience now, but also because it does not seem to be a trait for which I was born. I tend too much toward the impulsive, even though I have learned to wait a little. The good side is that I can adapt quickly under pressure, the bad part is that I do not wait to allow things to settle before acting. I guess balance is good, but I do lean to one side.

So, I will try, and trying as it is, I will wait. I will wait for clarity. I will wait for vision. I will wait for guidance. I will wait.

potty mouth

So, I grew up in a home where swearing was the vernacular of the day. I have had the most difficult time with not making it so at my home. My beautiful 9 year old daughter will regularly say, "Daddy said a bad word." And I feel horrible. Now, what my daughter considers a bad word and what I consider a bad word are considerably different. Usually, she means when I say "Stupid" or "shut up" (the two s words), occasionally when I say "hell" or "damn." When my wife calls me "potty mouth" it is not because of those words.

While on the subject, I was showing someone a Christian play I really like. It is called "Fish Eyes" and is a wonderful two person play about the brothers/apostles Andrew and Peter. It is occasionally a tad irreverant, which is probably why I like it. In the scene where Peter is denying Christ he says both hell and damn. I had two people tell me we could never do that play in Church because we don't say hell and damn. What?!?!? I mean, we are not a fire and brimstone kind of church, but it is pretty hard to teach out of the bible without saying hell or damn once or twice. Now, the context is different in this situation, but one can not claim that no one says hell or damn in church. On top of that, it would be entirely in character for Peter to have sworn. He was a fisherman. I have gone fishing and trust me, it makes you swear.

Anyway, although I no longer hold the line "Cursing is the modern vernacular," I am still struggling with finding better adjectives and any kind ending to "What the ....?" I will say that there are some dirty words that are soooooo appropriate for the emphasis I am trying to achieve, and yet not one of them is appropriate once it comes out of my mouth. Recently, friends have noted that even when I am trying not to curse, I utilize none-too-clever similar phrases. So, for your enjoyment:

What the Fat?
Bastage (from Johnny Dangerously)
Icehole (Same)
Freakin' (as in "what is this freakin' thing?")
Jiminy Christmas (instead of some other JC)
Pickin' (same as freakin)
Mother Father
and my favorite ... Poop!

Lurking

In the shadows they lurk with their beedy eyes shining in the dark. They hunt, but do not make their presence known. They size you up but add nothing to the situation.

Yeah, I am talking about you. Cut it out and post a comment.

I have been thinking about our viewer culture. My generation is all about being a voyeur. We were raised on television without much parfental involvement. We relate to one another through our mutual entertainment habits. But, when do we engage? When do we step out and add something to the world? I blog, am I adding something? Or am I just commenting? It is something I think about rather often. Now, I would like to know what you think.

My brother

Growing up, my brother and I were very close. Going through a difficult upbringing together brought us out as friends, confidants, pals. As we grew up, we had numerous problems, which are not uncommon for brothers. I was younger and so I would tease him and taunt him and since we sounded almost identical, I would pretend to be him whenever his girlfriend's would call. He was older and better looking and would date almost anyone I was interested in for the short time we spent in High School together. We ran away together once. We fought more than a few times.

I am forty this year, almost forty-one, and I realize that there are few people in the world (maybe only my wife) who are as close to me as he is. We have very different beliefs, but a remarkably common vision. We are both the champions of the down-trodden, upholders of an ideal, and adaptable to obstacles. We are both fathers who love their children with a passion which neither of us know the origin. Our greatest hope is to be good fathers and good spouses, almost in spite of our upbringing.

I am so proud of him, his accomplishments, his life, the man he is. I still look up to my big brother in so many ways. I am so glad that he is a part of my life. Last night I got to speak to his six year old son, it was wonderful. I don't really know why I write about him today, other than that I love him and enjoy talking with him. I dont think he has ever read my blog, actually I dont think he knew I had one until last night. So, I guess I just want everyone who reads this to know how I feel about my bro and what a good guy he is.

This site is a little boring. It is really just my thoughts, sometimes jumbled, sometimes clear. I have no bells, no whistles, no pictures, no music. My wife's site is beautiful, eye-catching and many people have it in the background just for her taste in music, not to mention the brilliant photography and the insightful comments. As you can see, I wrote a little blurb about her the other day for our anniversary and I spiked to about 3 times what my average day's views is. I thought perhaps all my lurkers just happened to visit on the same day and I mentioned it to her.

She says, "yeah, I linked you on my blog." How silly of her to think that her simple link would have such an impact on my blog. Am I not able to generate my own viewers? "No," I say, "it very well could be that people have just been waiting for me to write something." "You're right," she says as she kisses me gently on the cheek as one would a mentally deficient relative when patronizing them, "and tomorrow there will be no jump in viewership since I linked you in a comment on someone else's blog." I am incensed! I am aghast!

I am an idiot! Today I checked the views from yesterday and it doubled what I got the other day to 6-7 times my normal daily views. Am I humbled? Of course not. "Ahh, I see people are finally starting to read!" And I see they are all referred. "Hmmm, from whence do these viewers come?" So I check the referral site ... cathywalters.blogspot.com ...hmmm.

Now I need to figure out a way, in my most mannish ability, to turn this around so that I was right all along. This one is tough. I have it! If I had not encouraged her to blog (even though I did not, it was her idea for me to blog), then she never would have had the readers she does, which in turn she was only repaying me for my benevolence. Wow, I don't think I could even get another man to buy that line.

Oh well! Thanks for the props honey. Now, I will argue that your first pregnancy was harder on me than it was on you (he was 11 lb 11 oz ... no joke).

a Cat's in the Cradle day

So, my new job's a hassle and the kids have the flu...

Well, work isn't that bad. This market is a drag and I had a meeting this morning allowing me to hear how we ca "still make money, even in this market." So, I am seeing the year to three years ahead as a bit of a struggle. Thanks to God that I don't get my value/security from how much money I make. On all accounts we should be just fine, but the news was pretty dreary from the guys in the office (worst year on record for 2007 and could be worse in 2008).

My other work interest, as many know, is that I am starting an improvisational theater group this year. I am looking to gain a license agreement with a national improv comedy organization to do their show format and have run into some problems. First of all, they are taking an inordinate amount of time to decide if I can gain the license. They asked for my business plan and were surprised at its depth and scope (it is 47 pages, their average BP is 10 pages), but still took the time to tell me they would want changes (before they even read it). Business plans are written for the purpose of planning your business for success and operational strength. I am uncertain if I would even consider shanging my plan just because they did not like something. On top of that, this is a license to do a show format, not a franchise. There is no way to infer from the fact that I am applying for a license, that they would have a right to tell me how to run my business. On top of this, one of the existing licensees (a friend whose troup I was in 17 years ago) has told me that they are afraid that I am "too Christian." I don't know what that means, but no one has ever accused me of that and frankly, I am flattered.

Anyway, they are supposed to make a decision on granting/rejecting my application this Thursday (I applied around august 20th for what should have been a 3 month process at the outside). We will see how this goes. While I like the construct of this show, it is not the only way to do improv by a long shot and I can develop my own show. The process would be slower and the space needs smaller, so if God decides that it is best for me not to do these shows, I will take it as a verification that I should be slower and more cautious in my approach. However, if they are willing to look past my offensive level of Christianity (lol), then I will assume that God wants me to move forward in a little more bold way.

Oh, yeah....and the kids have the flu. See how I tied it all into the title? My thematic ability is impressive, no? Well, no. Have a nice day!

sixteen

I woke up and looked across at the most wonderful person I have ever met and I know, as I have for the last 15 years and 364 days that I am happy and blessed. Tomorrow will be 16 years of wedded bliss and I wanted to say a few things for future grooms, things to think about when choosing your bride:

1 - The greatest sound in the world should be her laughter. Not only should your future wife laugh with you, but occasionally she should laugh at you. Mine points when she laughs, just to make sure I know she is laughing at me and not some other fool. When she laughs at my jokes or silliness, she is validating me. When she laughs at my foibles, she is keeping me humble. When she laughs with me, we know that we get each other on a deep level and I feel a touch of heaven.

2 - When you look in her eyes, you should feel weak. When you watch her walk you should feel something else. After 16 years, I still have the hots for her and am amazed that she would be willing to marry me, to spend her life with me and to love me. She is so beautiful, so lovely, so hot that I feel I am the luckiest guy in the world.

3 - You should not agree with her about everything. If you agree about everything, either she is not being honest with you or you do not see her as she truly is. If you are a guy and agree that it takes 4 hours to buy one pair of pants, that going to the restroom is a group activity or that Project Runway marathons are a reason to stay home...you are a woman, stop fooling yourself. Disagreements are how you know that she is not an extension of you, but a vibrant and intelligent person capable of her own thought and opinion. If you do not get this, you are a Narcissist (did I spell that right?).

4 - You should look forward to seeing her. I can't wait to see my wife, to talk with her, to see the smile that still takes my breath away. If you think about her when at work, when driving, when out with friends...this is a good thing. Do not listen to your bitter, jealous friends. They will make the sound of a whip cracking, mock you and call you names. Embrace this. What sets you apart is the love of a good woman, do not feel bad that she is more important than they.

5 - You should cherish her. You should want to make her happy as a small repayment for the happiness she has brought you. You should want to build her up. You should see her as better than you. You should treat her like a prize, like a princess, like a precious gift. You should love her and want her and need her. Because after 16 years, I still do and it makes me feel so blessed everyday.


"I wish you a good life, a good wife and my kind of happiness" The old mentor agent said that in Jerry Maguire and I repeat it for every man who is contemplating marriage. It is truly a wondrous thing.