Apparently, my cousin found my blog. It is okay, I never tried to hide it, but based on how I feel about my upbringing and my family, it was bound to bruise some folks. That was not my intent, but I am telling the truth. Many of my reflections are my opinions, but they are true to my experience and my perspective. I have often said, both in the blog and in person, that I can not be certain that everything is true. I can only be certain that this is how I remember it, others may remember it differently.
My cousin is very upset with me because of some things I blogged about at the time of his Mom's death. It is my opinion that he is not reading the whole passage, I also said nice things about her but was mostly relating the fact that I have a hard time grieving. I attribute some of this to my opinion of her, but some of it is just an immense failure of mine to feel much when people die. I do not hold this out to be good, but it is something I am trying to deal with in the open.
Additionally, I have struggled with my family's culture since about the time I became an adult. Greg's comments on the blog are in a pattern which has become well-known and documented. Greg is, to all my knowledge, a good man who has made a few mistakes, but I don't think he has made as many as me. The truth is that as close as we were as kids, as much as I feel he is like a brother, we have not had much contact in a very long time. I think my opinion is irrelevant to this situation. Greg will hold onto whatever makes him feel better. Anyway, it was not my intention to hurt anyone. Based upon the vitriol I heard from other family members, I expect some kind of nastiness to ensue, perhaps it will not. There is a reason, not his fault that I do not call and try not to contact my Mom's family. I love them and wish them the best, and I thank them for the things they did which were nice. I admire the few cousins who have escaped the family culture and gone on to lead healthy lives, but I don't want to talk to them either. I will if necessary, I am not avoiding a conversation. I have a new family (my wife, my kids, my mother-in-law) who are loving, honest and supportive. I only get pain from dealings with the family I grew up with (except for Darin who is still one of my best friends and true confidants), I only have enough energy to repair the relationships with my Mom and Dad. The rest is too much work, as well as too much "watching my back."
In the end, like everyone else I am a broken person. If you are offended, I am sorry for that effect, but not sorry to have told the truth as I know it. I decided before I began this blog that I would write the truth, even though I knew it might cost me some relationships.
PS - I must ask...."the author of this blog has hurt many people through his writings", which many people are those? I intentionally do not use last names, nor even my name and my readers don't know the family, so it causes no harm. Up to this point, I did not think anyone in the family read my blog. I am not sure what harm you think is being done.
2 comments:
As simply as I can state it, if you don't like it, don't read it. I have not identified you by surname, nor your mother, nor anyone else. My opinions were known to you prior to your Mom's passing, and I have never tried to hide them from you. I feel for your grief, but really don't know what you are upset about.
If I am missing something, could one of the other readers mention it? I really don't understand what is so bad about what I have written. If no one else does, can you, Greg, be more specific as to what you find offensive?
Any of my other friends, please pray for Greg and his family. He is hurting and still grieving the loss of his mother.
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