Part 80

I was strung along by Philip for a few months, but by the end of the second month, the handwriting was on the wall. I was taking unemployment for the first time in my life and searching for the right spot to be a GM. I had pretty much given up on acting, though I still occasionally would act in something a friend would call about. My brother was running another restaurant company and had hired my former assistant and book keeper, Lisa, as his GM at an upscale Mexican restaurant called Rebecca's in Venice. They both asked if I would be willing to Maitre D' on the weekends for cash payment and tips. I agreed and soon was making $600 per week for working about 12 hours. There is something wrong with me that this was not good enough for me.

Cathy's pregnancy was clipping along and everything was going well. I continued to write but found myself in the same position of getting tired of my own writing and throwing things away before I finished them. This was a difficult time because I really wanted to be hired as a GM, though I never had been hired directly as a GM (Always promoted). A few months into this, and with my first born child's arrival rapidly approaching, I began looking at club jobs too. In September 1996, I began the interview process with a club in Long Beach called Jillian's. I had never spent any time in Long Beach and only knew the club because my predecessor at Renaissance had been their opening GM. They hired me as a "fast track" manager, colorful euphemism in the restaurant business which means "we don't like our GM, but don't know or trust you yet." They paid me $22,000 less than I had made in my previous job and less than I was making at Rebecca's, but the good news was they would over work me!

On October 16th, 1996, my wife delivered our son into the world. At 11 lbs 11 oz, he was a gigantic baby and a sight to behold. One week later, I began as the Operations Manager at Jillian's in Long Beach. It took no time at all to realize that the existing GM was unqualified, inexperienced and an easy mark. I tried to be nice about it, but I immediately worked to usurp his position. Jillian's was also all of the ick of the club business without any of the fun. I was working an average of 70 hours per week and driving an hour each way to work. I was basically an absent father for my son's early life and am thrilled that I was (and am) married to such a strong, loving, caring and wonderful person who gave him everything he needed in those first months (really about two years). On December 18th 1996, the company fired the GM and promoted me. It immediately went downhill. The existing staff hated me for usurping their friend and former boss and new employees were untrustworthy and soured by the existing staff. 1996 ended with promise, or at least perceived promise and a decision to move to the area to at least cut down my drive time.

Part 79

Things were going well at the club and both Cathy and I were making money, so that January (1996), we decided to take a little vacation and visit my Dad and Step-mom in Washington. They lived in a little border town called Custer and My Step-mom was a border inspector for the FDA. My brother went up the same week, so we had a blast hanging out altogether for the first time in ten years. My step-brother John came over one night too with his new wife and her son and we played darts just like when we were kids. During the trip, Darin, Cathy and I took a drive into Vancouver BC. I have to say, Vancouver is one of the prettiest cities I have ever been to. Additionally, since it is on a very select list (3) of cities outside this country I have been, it felt very much like a great vacation and I think both Cathy and I loved it. During the trip, Cathy became pregnant, though we would not be sure for weeks Cathy seemed to know right away.

Returning to LA, I had work to do to get ready for 1996 at the club. I had also just finished my second screenplay (and first by myself) called "the job". It was a crime story in the vein of Pulp Fiction told from a number of different people's viewpoints. To say it was not formulaic is a huge understatement. Even my more adventurous friends in the industry told me that no one would ever make this film. They were correct. On January 30th, I had asked a bunch of folks to meet me at the club (it was closed for lunch) to do a read-through of my new script. As we sat down to read, one of the owners came in and nervously asked me why we were there. When I told him, he said "Oh. We are closing the club today and handing it back over to the landlords."

I was devastated by this turn of events. I had worked hard and brought us back to some level of profitability and even returned some of the money the investors had put in which they were certain to lose before I took over. In my weak state, I did not see the owners manipulating me either. In the end, they closed owing me over 4000 bucks and I had just found out for sure that my first child was on the way. One owner dropped off the face of the planet, probably ending up either dead from drugs or (hopefully) turning his life around and leading a happy and healthy life. I never saw him again. The other owner, Philip, continued to make me think that he was going to open one more club and that I could be a part owner. He strung me along for weeks and got me to do all I had done for him in opening the other clubs, but this time for free. I felt like such an ass when I figured out that he was just using me. It was a hard time and would not be the last very similar situation.

Part 78

In late summer of '95, I was promoted to General Manager at Renaissance. It was a great day. It was announced in the middle of a staff meeting while the much-maligned consultants were being terminated in the other room. The staff actually applauded, it felt great.

Our first step was to re-brand the restaurant, which we envisioned as an upscale southwestern approach called the Rattlesnake Cantina. In the end, the restaurant was a small portion of our sales with the real money coming from the club business and special events. During the next few months, I also aided one of the owners in various new openings of clubs on the west side and in Hollywood, as well as some consulting gigs. All in all, I really enjoyed the work and saw an opportunity for the first time that was beyond acting. For the first time, I identified myself as something other than an actor. I was, and am, a restaurant operator.

Cathy and I also began a short discussion about having children. We had been married almost 5 years and we both wanted children. Cathy wanted 1, I wanted 5. At least we knew we were starting with the same number. In December of 1995, we decided to try to get pregnant. trying is actually pretty fun, I strongly recommend it to those considering having a child!

Update

For those of you unaware, as of Thursday, I will again be unemployed. It is a long story that may make its way onto these pages, but for now I will just say I am relieved. It has been a bad fit for me, but I have been blessed to lead a good team of people and wish them all the best. There are about 15 different directions I could go in, so I am praying for a little guidance in my judgement.

Part 77 - a new direction or perspective or something

So, with 1995 rolling in, I was still engaged in casting director workshops, regular (or semi-regular) auditions and in January, I began looking for a job. My brother had become the GM at Broadway Deli and told me that one of the owners' (Michel Richard, famous chef) brother-in-law, Jean-Jacques had taken over as a GM at a big club on the other side of the Promenade. JJ (Jean-Jacques is just too long to write every time) took me in as a server and I immediately loved it. The club was jumping for both dining and as a late night popular west-side night club. It was a place to be seen and many celebrities came there. One of the owners, Philip, allowed me to stage my showcase there and about 200 people attended, including managers, producers and reps from some of the biggest agencies. As the producer, director and the person who wrote most of the material we performed, one would think it would go well for me. It certainly was a successful showcase. Of the 8 actors involved, 7 received roles directly due to their performance that night. Only one performer received no offers, me.

That was really the beginning of the end for me as an actor. I had gained some success regionally as an actor and did fairly well in auditions, but it just wasn't in the cards as they say. Being unsuccessful as I headed rapidly toward my 30's seemed like a recipe for bitterness. Though I received a great many kudos for my performances over the years, in the end, I just did not have the stamina to continue trying to be a working actor. If I am honest, and I like to think I am, I have to admit that my desire was never to be a working actor. My desire was to be a star. I am very average in appearance and there are not many Hollywood roles for that guy who looks like every other man on the street. Though I was a good actor, I don't think I was great, and good is not enough.

JJ left the company by the time of my showcase in late March, and the club closed for a few weeks to renovate and re-brand. During that time, my friend Paul and his wife moved to Westwood and both my car and Cathy's broke down. Cathy's Mom gave us her old car and we bought a Saturn. In Late May, the club re-opened and was kicking once again. Some of the staff had moved on and I was picked to be a floor supervisor by the new GM, Jerry. Jerry lasted about 5 weeks and instead of getting a new GM, the company hired a consulting group and I was promoted to dining room manager (paid a weekly rate). I had a great summer, hanging out with a bunch of friends I had met through the club, many of whom were very talented people from Florida including my buddy Damon Jones (Now a regular performing member of the Groundlings and recently seen on an episode of Top Chef as a guest judge). It was really nice to be in a group of artists, and I really began to show who I was there. Things were once again looking up!

Part 76

The summer of 1994 was pretty fun, all in all. Most days, I would get a page (yes, back before everyone had cell phones, we had little beepers we wore on our belts)from one of the extra agencies and head off to what I hoped would be 16 hours of work. On off days, I would walk down to Venice Beach and hang out. My friend Cristos and I had a "martial arts show" we did as a street performance on both Venice Beach and 3rd St Promenade. It was fun! I was not anywhere in Cristos' league when it came to my abilities in Karate, but being associated with him made me feel better about those abilities.

As the summer wore on, I began to get really tired of extra work. I had gathered together enough vouchers (long story) to get my union card and after a particularly disastrous day spent on a set in Ojai California, I decided to move on. I still kept doing the Casting Director Workshops and was still seeking my fame and fortune as an actor, but I only did one extra or action extra gig after that point. In October of that year, I took a seasonal job as a store manager for Hickory Farms. It was a bizarre choice and to be honest, I hated it. I played poker occasionally with the guy who owned the Sheepskin store in the mall, hired some friends from the dojo I worked out at and pretty much set my own schedule. However, retail is really not for me and when asked later, I declined to be considered for any further employment with the company.

In December of that year, I saw a difference in my Dad that took my breath away. In 1983, when I had run away from home, my Dad had cleared out my savings account and for a couple of years it stood between us. After finding redemption through Christ, I decided the only way to go forward was to forgive him and move on. That happened in 1987, and the very few times he ever brought it up, I would dismiss it as unimportant and change the subject. In December of that year, my Dad sent me a letter with a check. He not only repaid all the money, but also sent compounded interest for the previous 11 years. This type of character just surprized the hell out of me, I still try to live up to that moment in everything I do.

Unfortunately, I took the money and joined the union (which I had earned the right to do through extra work). It took all the money he had sent and I never again worked in a union production. It still remains one of the worst uses of money I have ever engaged in...and that is saying something.

Part 75

*I am not finished yet, though I took 15 months off...I wonder if any of you are still out there*

1994 was shaping up to be an interesting year, a big earthquake, a new job and a still overwhelming desire to be famous. I often think about my times as an actor, and wonder about my motivations. I know, it sounds all actor-y. But I really do wonder. Was it truly a desire to be on stage (which I loved dearly)? Was it the adoration and applause of the audience? Or, was it just a pathetic need to be important. More importantly, am I still led around by the nose by that same need?

At the time, I wasn't thinking about it too much, I just wanted in. I used to picture myself appearing on the Tonight Show, sitting next to Johnny Carson (for you younger folk, he was the old guy ... before Jay...the fisrt time). I used to think how cool I would be, not one of those jerk actors who came across all snobby. Somewhere in my head, I am sure I thought I would finally have value to my parents if I were famous. I now find the thought of that icky and sad.

I began meeting with a very well-known manager named Bob Thompson. Bob told me to choose a career, I couldn't be an actor, a director, a writer and a producer; one would always take precedence. To my long-lasting regret, I said actor. I wish I had said writer. Bob set me up with a very expensive photographer who did the first truly professional head shots I had ever had (no offense to Paul, who took some wonderful head shots for me when I was in a jam, but it was not his chosen field). With these new calling cards in hand, I began to pursue an agent. To add some hopes to my pursuits, I also began doing Casting Director Workshops. I met and read for some of the best Casting Directors in all of Hollywood. In May of 1994, I began extra work and what was then referred to as "action extra" work (this is low-level stunt stuff which was mostly comprised of me getting hit in the head with various objects by celebrities for film and television). It was fun, but I made very littel monty because I had to work a full manager's schedule at the restaurant.

In June, I gave notice at the Beverly Hills restaurant so I could pursue my career (gawd that sounds ridiculous to me now). Cathy had quit school and taken a job at a place that sold toner and I felt free to really go after my career. I spent time in various TV and film sets that summer working with big-name actors and smaller actors. I was not acting, I was a living prop. However, I tried to do my part with integrity, and I was often rewarded with extra days or SAG pay for those jobs. I met (thogh I am certain talking to me would be compared to talking with a plant for these folks) Geena Davis, Michael Keaton, Christopher Reeves, Ernie Hudson, Jeff Bridges, Ralph Fiennes (who knew I would meet the Dark Lord), Angela Basset, Vincent D'Onofrio, Kevin Dillon, Alicia Silverstone, Tom Sizemore, Bill Paxton, Ellen Barkin, Cynthia Rothrock, Jena Claude Van Damme, Jim Belushi, and many others who would never be as well-known as these celebrities but who did their job with a professionalism I grew to really admire. Many of them dealt with me with real grace and a giving nature. Very few were mean (I am pointing at you Voldemort!). I still love to tell stories about these times. They are unusual and fun, and outside of the normal experience of most people. Additionally, since I am not an important part of these stories, I can go on and on about them and not feel bad about myself at all. That by itself is awesome!