Part 75

*I am not finished yet, though I took 15 months off...I wonder if any of you are still out there*

1994 was shaping up to be an interesting year, a big earthquake, a new job and a still overwhelming desire to be famous. I often think about my times as an actor, and wonder about my motivations. I know, it sounds all actor-y. But I really do wonder. Was it truly a desire to be on stage (which I loved dearly)? Was it the adoration and applause of the audience? Or, was it just a pathetic need to be important. More importantly, am I still led around by the nose by that same need?

At the time, I wasn't thinking about it too much, I just wanted in. I used to picture myself appearing on the Tonight Show, sitting next to Johnny Carson (for you younger folk, he was the old guy ... before Jay...the fisrt time). I used to think how cool I would be, not one of those jerk actors who came across all snobby. Somewhere in my head, I am sure I thought I would finally have value to my parents if I were famous. I now find the thought of that icky and sad.

I began meeting with a very well-known manager named Bob Thompson. Bob told me to choose a career, I couldn't be an actor, a director, a writer and a producer; one would always take precedence. To my long-lasting regret, I said actor. I wish I had said writer. Bob set me up with a very expensive photographer who did the first truly professional head shots I had ever had (no offense to Paul, who took some wonderful head shots for me when I was in a jam, but it was not his chosen field). With these new calling cards in hand, I began to pursue an agent. To add some hopes to my pursuits, I also began doing Casting Director Workshops. I met and read for some of the best Casting Directors in all of Hollywood. In May of 1994, I began extra work and what was then referred to as "action extra" work (this is low-level stunt stuff which was mostly comprised of me getting hit in the head with various objects by celebrities for film and television). It was fun, but I made very littel monty because I had to work a full manager's schedule at the restaurant.

In June, I gave notice at the Beverly Hills restaurant so I could pursue my career (gawd that sounds ridiculous to me now). Cathy had quit school and taken a job at a place that sold toner and I felt free to really go after my career. I spent time in various TV and film sets that summer working with big-name actors and smaller actors. I was not acting, I was a living prop. However, I tried to do my part with integrity, and I was often rewarded with extra days or SAG pay for those jobs. I met (thogh I am certain talking to me would be compared to talking with a plant for these folks) Geena Davis, Michael Keaton, Christopher Reeves, Ernie Hudson, Jeff Bridges, Ralph Fiennes (who knew I would meet the Dark Lord), Angela Basset, Vincent D'Onofrio, Kevin Dillon, Alicia Silverstone, Tom Sizemore, Bill Paxton, Ellen Barkin, Cynthia Rothrock, Jena Claude Van Damme, Jim Belushi, and many others who would never be as well-known as these celebrities but who did their job with a professionalism I grew to really admire. Many of them dealt with me with real grace and a giving nature. Very few were mean (I am pointing at you Voldemort!). I still love to tell stories about these times. They are unusual and fun, and outside of the normal experience of most people. Additionally, since I am not an important part of these stories, I can go on and on about them and not feel bad about myself at all. That by itself is awesome!