In-Laws

There seem to be varying views on the value of close in-laws. In some cases, as in most films, close in-laws are the bane of one's existence. They get in the way, they offer unwanted advice and the generally make a nuisance of themselves. On the other hand, some people see their in-laws as the masters of all things great and small, I have some friends like who feel this way, seriously. For me, it is neither.

My mother-in-law lives next door, I am not kidding. But it has worked out pretty well. My kids can go over and visit almost any day. When she needs something, or we do, there is always someone to help. One or the other of us can give a last minute invitation for dinner and we don't have to wait around, which as most of my family can tell you are the two things which make me most grumpy, waiting and hunger. The kids have the ability to play in both yards and we have a built-in sitter if the need arises. All in all, not a bad arrangement, regardless of my considerable hesitance to have her live next door.

On the down side, Mom sometimes forgets that she lives next door. She will call and tell us what the weather is like at her house or about her great view (you know you do). However, prior to moving here from California, she would call us and tell us it was snowing at our house because she saw it on the weather channel. We, of course, would tell her that we knew that, we saw it on the window. She will sometimes hang out her window and look at us if we are playing in the back yard. I am sure this is enjoyable for her, but honestly it is a little creepy for us (come on down, don't be shy). I guess I would put any downside to Mom being that close as quirks rather than problems. They make for great writing and funny stories more than anything else.

My wife and I have been married for just shy of 16 years and I think the first ten years, I just liked to bug Mom. I am obnoxious and confrontational and my mother-in-law is very much not. She is what I call a smoother, someone who calms the water. I on the other hand, rock the boat. I took great joy in shaking Mom up a little bit, I really don't know why, I guess I am just that big of an ass. I still do occasionally, but it is more in the vein of humor than picking a fight.

My mother-in-law is a great person and I truly love her. She is caring and thoughtful, always available and has accepted me genuinely over the time she has known me. I could not ask for a better relationship with an in-law. I guess the difference between my relationship with her and the ones I described earlier is that she is a real person and we see her that way. She has flaws, she is too worried about things, about always doing the right thing (this coming from one who suffers witht he same angst) and she has a very firm concept of Ought. However, she deals most of the time with grace towards people, she respects my role as a husband and a father and she is a phenomenal grandparent to my kids.

It is not mother's day, is not grandparent's day and her birthday is a few weeks past. There is no real reason to write how important she is to me and my family. I just woke up this morning grateful for having her in our lives and having her close by. My brother, who lost his mother-in-law to cancer a year or so ago, remarked to me that it was odd that he and I had these great mothers-in-law. He wondered if it was because of the strange and strained relationship with our own mother that we, in some great cosmic balance (he is a buddhist), have filled the void with women who have made an impact in our lives. I told him that I think that God has granted us a reprieve from the pain which an absent mother (emotionally and physically)can cause, and has blessed us richly with women who care. My mother-in-law tells me that she has prayed since my wife was a small girl for me, her husband. She has never doubted, openly at least, that I was that guy. That is an element of faith that I have learned from her. She trusts God so much that she knows that I was the one He chose and she knows He answers her prayers. Thanks Mom! I love you!