So, in the past few weeks I have really been struggling with the concept of friendship and what it means. Contrary to what some might think, I am a fiercely loyal friend, and it takes some time for me to adjust to the realities of time and distance. However, I have seen the entire spectrum of friendship recently and am left wondering what it means.
I have realized that old and dear friends never really liked me, and seen former friends reach out a hand of encouragement. I have seen the deterioration of strong bonds and seen others hold against all odds. For many friends, old and new, I have seen that the intensity of my personality has been too much. At the same time, for others, I have had them tell me it is what they like most about me. I have had some of the strongest encouragement and some of the deepest hurts, all in the same period of time. I am confused, befuddled, questioning.
Is my perception so poor that I can not tell who will like me and who will not, or has liked me and who has not? How can one person draw the sneer from one person and the genuine affection of another...with the same actions? I want to know your thoughts on friendship. Though I almost never get a response or comment on my blog, I would love one now. Enlighten me! I want to know.
3 comments:
Well, friend...here's a comment for you. I can struggle with the same stuff at times. And am often, OFTEN, thankful for the friends who put up with me, as I think I am a lot to handle. :) However, what I have come back to when I get to one of those places, is that my role is not to make people like me, or figure out if they do...but to BE a friend. (I DO realize that being a friend does involve figuring out when you are driving your friends nuts if possible, and stop...i try. :) ) Anyway, I find some inner peace in focusing on just being who Christ would have me be in others' lives, with His strength. I don't always succeed. OBVIOUSLY. You know that. But it helps me get the focus off of myself, and my over-analytical brain can relax a bit. Those are my two cents.
Thank you Chris for your honesty and openness. I agree pretty much with what Dawn posted. I know things are going wrong with my wife when I start focusing on what she's not doing for me or how my needs are not being met. I try (and not very well most of the time) to think about what Tuss needs and how I can be a blessing to her each day. With my eyes focused on Christ, I've learned that I can love my wife endlessly without needing anything from her (not that I desire that)...but overall I've found a lot of peace from this approach.
So in conclusion...I don't really know what I'm talking about...but I just think you can't go wrong when you're focus is on pleasing God and not pleasing man (or friends or animals). So I hope I'm not sounding preachy or out of touch...but those are my small thoughts as well as one cent.
God Bless you man! Happy Fourth! We should talk sometime soon.
Paul
Since two friends have responded, and my Mother-in-law emailed me her response, I want to thank you for posting your opinions or letting me know what you think. I believe that I may not have communicated well the issue I am struggling with. While I whole-heartedly agree with what all concerned said, in that my role is to be a good friend and to keep my focus on Christ...this is not the issue I am dealing with.
My problem is one of perception, a short-sightedness. My question is not on how to be a good friend, though I appreciate your comments, but how to know when someone is a friend to me. If I am too much to handle, I can still do all in my power to lay it all on the line for others, but a true bond is two-sided (or at least I would think so). When I am not realizing the character and affection of those around me, whether good or bad, I can not have the kind of give and take for which I believe friendship calls. I will think about it some more and try to post a more in-depth comment at another time, but thanks for your comments and for reading my whims and ramblings.
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